


Build Me Up

by Loveislove87



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: A smidge of Christmas fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, F/M, M/M, Malex Secret Santa 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27991650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loveislove87/pseuds/Loveislove87
Summary: Alex goes on a fact finding mission alone with dangerous results...plus some Christmas fluff.My Malex Secret Santa gift for pendragonsandbuckleys over on tumblr!
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 14
Kudos: 96





	Build Me Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AGirlByAnyOtherName](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGirlByAnyOtherName/gifts).



His head hurt and there was something running in his eyes. When he blinked, they stung and filled with a million, tiny knives. His instinct was to rub them clean, but his right arm wouldn’t move, couldn’t move. Feeling his heart start to race, he took as deep a breath as he could and tried to focus.

_Last thing he remembered._

Jesus, his head hurt.

_A door. He’d tried to open a door._

Alex shifted with the sudden memory but began to cough, pain running from the top of his head to the bottom of his foot, pausing to press down with all it’s might in his chest on the way. He gasped and the taste of metal coating his tongue and teeth made him freeze.

This was bad.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he forced himself to focus once again.

_The door._

Large, metal, no window, completely out of place. Every other space he passed in the abandoned building made sense; wooden doors with small glass cutouts, rooms large enough to hold two dozen students. A few nicer looking spaces, perhaps administrative offices, or teacher lounges. Then his eye had landed on the metal door. He had steadied his breath and lunged, shoulder first, gun raised.

_An alarm. A red, flashing light._

Now here he was. Presumably buried, partially alive. A noise caught his attention, raising his hackles, but Alex quickly realized it was his own breathing, loud and wet. And painful. His right arm still refused to move, either pinned down or broken or, with the universe’s perverse sense of humor, perhaps missing completely. But his left, he was able to shrug close enough to himself to slide his hand into his pocket. Just the brush of denim against his skin sent a shockwave of pain up behind his eyes, making him gag on the blood pooling in his mouth.

Through gritted teeth Alex groaned, “just let me say goodbye.”

He pressed the screen blindly, bloody fingertips slipping with a pattern his muscles have known for months and listened as the ring tone filled the claustrophobic space around him. The rattle in his lungs sang opposite the seemingly endless ringing, as Alex closed his eyes, a tear spilling out as the last of his hope was crowded out by the darkness around him. With his eyes closed, Alex realized just how exhausted he felt.

“Captain. What can I do for you today?”

The corners of his mouth pulled up in agony as Michael’s sarcastic, silver voice filled his ears.

“I love you.”

The silence that followed was heavy with both men’s shock at Alex’s declaration. Alex shocked he could speak at all and Michael, well, Alex never quite knew what Michael was thinking anymore.

“What’s wrong, Alex?”

Grimacing, Alex said, “I messed up, Michael.” He spit, his mouth so full he felt like he was choking. “I’m so sorry. I tried.”

“You went to the school?” Michael’s question was followed by short, sharp breaths. He was running. “You said you were going tomorrow!”

Alex coughed, the pain in his head bordering on unbearable now. He was numb from his chest down. A surprising relief. “Didn’t wanna wait. You deserve,” he cleared his throat of blood or tears, “answers, Michael.”

“God dammit, Alex, I was gonna come. I just-“ the sound of an engine turning over made Alex shake his head as much as he was able. “I was just being an asshole. I don’t know. I wasn’t…I was-”

“Don’t come, Guerin.” His eyes were so heavy. “Dangerous.”

“Fuck off. I’m almost there. You keep talking to me, Alex, okay? Just say anything. Don’t close your eyes!” Michael’s panic was palpable. Alex wished he’d have a chance to brush the fear away, touch that spot above that crooked nose that crinkles when Michael gets upset. Kiss it away.

“I don’t regret loving you. I wish,” his throat was on fire. “I wish we had time to try.”

“We’ve got all the time in the world, Captain. You’re not going anywhere.”

Tears burned Alex’s eyes as the darkness morphed into a comforting blanket. He couldn’t help but be grateful to have heard Michael’s voice once more, the skin of his lips cracking open with his smile.

“Love you, Michael. Always have. So much.”

The ringing in his ears grew so loud he wasn’t sure if he was actually speaking or just moving his mouth. He let his eyes stay closed, a degree of peace drifting over him. He really was tired.

Alex had seen what he thought was the _bright light_ in Afghanistan. He was delirious and terrified but had accepted his fate in a matter of seconds. If his men had died for the mission, for him, then he’d be honored to die alongside them. But when he’d eventually come to, it was to the blinding, fluorescent lights of the hospital.

As the _bright light_ began to break through the slits of his eyes, he tried mumbling to the universe, “-don’t think I’m ready…”

The light grew impossibly brighter, making Alex squeeze his eyes even tighter. He gasped with the pain and realized he could take a slightly easier breath. Through the tinnitus, he heard clicking, the sound of concrete against metal, brick on top of brick. With each click, his breath improved, his wrists could move, his toes could wiggle in his boot. Alex watched as the debris was pulled off him piece by piece.

A gentle hand rested against the back of his neck as he was carefully rolled onto his back. Alex yelled out, a pain in his abdomen threatening to rip him apart from the inside.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Hold on.”

Alex pressed his shaking hand to the source of the pain, his fingers coming away drenched in blood. Michael’s strong hand gripped his wrist. “Don’t touch.”

“It’s okay, Michael, ‘s okay.”

Alex winced from the pain. He felt Michael’s hand pushing against his forehead, cursing with each swipe of his hand. Smiling, Alex whispered, “beautiful,” trying to reach up to feel those loose, wild curls in his fingers once more.

Past that honey hair, Alex watched, confused, as a light swung gently back and forth. His wide eyes drifted around the space with his mouth hanging open. Concrete walls, paintings with cobwebs intact, doors on their hinges with glass in its place.

Alex shook his head, ignoring the sharp squeeze around his spine. He reached up and took hold of Michael’s chin, their eyes meeting in disbelief. “Michael…how?”

Michael shook his head, wild eyes scanning Alex’s body, hands helplessly clawing at the injury practically tearing Alex in half. “I don’t know. I just-I had to get in here. I had, had to find you.”

A wave of nausea forced Alex’s eyes shut, swallowing down a mouthful of blood. He must have looked as bad as he felt for Michael to beg and panic the way he did.

“C’mon, Alex, I’m gonna get you outta here!” But with every movement, no matter how small, Alex’s body seemed to light on fire, his limbs immobile, his gut throbbing in time with his heart and his vision doubling everything it could focus on.

Alex tried to speak but began to cough, clawing desperately at Michael’s shirt to stop the pain.

Michael shook his head, brow furrowed. “What?”

Alex couldn’t help but smile as he used every ounce of his energy to lift his hand and slide his fingertips across the creases of Michael’s brow. “Thank you.”

He’d miss Michael, more than he’d ever be able to say. And Kyle and Liz and Maria. Even Max and Isobel. But the darkness was warm and comforting. Safe.

So, it was okay if it had to take him away.

************

There was so much white. White walls, white seats, white clothing. Flashes of white. Then a wave of panic. A voice screaming in terror for the children to get into the pods. Soft hands and a gentle kiss, a whispered, wet “I love you.”

Then silence.

Small hands squeezing his tightly. Too tight. But he’d die before he let go. He was sure of that. The sand under his bare feet. Warm and soft. The cool breeze raising goosebumps across his skin. A blinding light driving towards him amid complete darkness.

His skin was on fire. He couldn’t see what was burning him so badly, but the room became unfocused and his stomach rolled. A punch to the back of the head finally knocked him out.

The backpack practically broke his scrawny back, but he kept his head down and kept walking, ignoring the bigger kids knocking into his shoulders, calling him names. The feel of a cool chair against his constantly flaming skin. The boy with the raven hair in his math class who kept catching his eye. A warmth spread through his chest; a flush rolled across his cheeks.

Alex in the cafeteria, head bent to read a social studies textbook with Liz, foot intertwined with Maria’s under the table.

Alex after school, reading on the steps, new piercing in his nose. A paint stroke of eyeliner highlighting his dark eyes.

Alex talking to Max and Liz, smile lighting up his face. A feeling of longing and embarrassment tightening his throat.

Alex ripping the guitar from his hands. His heart racing in his chest to be so close. An answering kindness he never expected.

Alex with a bloody lip, standing up to the biggest, most popular guys in school. A desire to protect so overwhelming a window shattered two streets away.

The shed. Cold but warmer than the truck bed. A guitar to keep his mind and hands busy. The terror of coal-lined eyes looking past the façade to the truth. Leaning in too fast.

The instant regret.

Sneakers rushing against pavement, heart racing with anticipation. The dark corner of the museum, Alex’s painted fingernails clutching his ugly, neon visor. The way it felt as though the universe aligned itself, puzzle pieces clicking together, lights coming to their full glow.

That night. The utter peace.

The complete destruction.

Heart broken in a cell. Alone.

Hands and mouths of strangers. Not terrible but never quite right.

Shock and awe of the familiar solider appearing so suddenly. A pang of regret at words he couldn’t take back.

Kisses. Soft, short hair between his fingers. Waking up wrapped in a warmth he’d sacrifice it all to keep.

*****

Alex gasped as Michael fell, vomiting in the space between them.

Sitting up quickly, Alex cradled Michael’s head in his lap as he heaved and cried with the effort. Alex ran his fingers through sweat-drenched curls, gently shushing Michael and promising “it’ll be okay. You’re okay.”

This man.

Michael.

Amazing.

A throbbing warmth pulsated in his chest. He glanced down at his ripped shirt and stared in awe at the beautiful handprint that glowed above his heart.

“Did you see, Alex?” Michael asked, wiping his filthy mouth, and desperately sucking in air. “Did you see what I saw?”

Alex could only nod, overcome with emotion threatening to tear the building down once again. Michael rested his head against Alex’s thigh, eyes closed and panting, Alex’s fingers never stopping their movement.

“I love you, Alex. Forever. Always.” Michael opened his eyes. “I love you.”

Alex smiled so wide, all that remained of his eyes were slits filled with tears. “I love you, too. Forever. Always.”

Michael smiled softly and closed his eyes once again, tilting his face into Alex’s warm, and fully healed, belly. “Tired.”

“Sleep,” Alex whispered as he reached for his phone, sticky with blood but thankfully still intact. “Sleep.”

*******

Alex was exhausted from playing generous host the past few days. He closed his eyes and pulled Michael’s warm body close to his, soft curls dancing across Alex’s chin and lips. He sighed and tried to welcome sleep.

Gregory had been his phone call, screaming incoherently down the line his location and demanding he call Kyle on his way. Far too quickly to be safe, his brother had arrived and, together, they’d carried an unconscious Michael to the car.

Alex’s hands shook and he swallowed back a constant attack of bile every few minutes. Michael’s skin was pale and clammy and much too cool for Alex’s comfort. He cradled Michael’s head in his lap and continued his quiet serenade, Gregory keeping a close eye on Alex but smart enough to know he shouldn’t interrupt.

Kyle met them at Alex’s house along with Isobel and Max. Michael was swept away from Alex and, for just a moment, he allowed himself to take in the absolute disaster the day had been.

“You okay?”

Alex jumped at the soft hand gently resting on his shoulder. Isobel looked concerned, searching his face with a familiar crinkle between her eyebrows.

The exhaustion was too powerful and his concerns for Michael’s safety too overwhelming. He couldn’t gather the strength to lie. He shook his head and mumbled, “I think I died today. And now Michael…”

With the kindness of a mother, Isobel pulled Alex into her arms and held the back of his head, scratching her fingernails against his scalp. He buried his face into her neck, the smell of lavender and rain coating his senses like a favorite blanket. She pulled away and put her hands against his cheeks.

“Fucking Roswell.”

He laughed and nodded in agreement, sniffing. “Fucking Roswell.”

She brushed her fingers across his cheeks and smiled. “Go take care of your man, Manes. We’ll be here if you need us.”

He surprised himself when he tilted his face to give the inside of her wrist a gentle kiss, a small thank you for her gentleness and empathy. She smiled in understanding and followed him silently into his house.

Michael was lying naked, save his underwear, in Alex’s bed. Gregory stood in the corner at attention, clearly prepared to follow any orders given and help however he could. Kyle was starting an IV and a blood pressure cuff was wrapped snuggly around the other arm.

Alex watched silently as Kyle worked, taking great care with this patient, knowing how much he meant to everyone in that house.

“Hey.”

Alex startled at Gregory’s voice. He tilted his head toward the kitchen and, with an understanding nod from Max, followed him out of the room. Alex sat down at the kitchen table with a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. Gregory placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of him.

“He’s gonna be okay, you know. I’m starting to think nothing can take Guerin out.”

Alex tried to smile but found he was too drained. He sipped on the coffee and closed his eyes as the smooth liquid ran down his throat.

“Alex?”

He opened his eyes and muttered, “hmm?”

“I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Me too.”

They sat in comfortable silence, sipping their drinks, and listening to Kyle work steadily in the next room. Once his cup was drained, Alex stood up and stretched, placing his mug in the sink, stopping on his way back to the bedroom to give Greg a grateful squeeze to his shoulder.

“Thanks.”

Kyle was finishing up when Alex entered the room, kicking off his shoes and taking off his filthy shirt, practically oblivious of everyone in the room except Michael.

“He’s doing fine,” Kyle said, his professionalism filling the space. “I wanna keep him well hydrated the next few days, monitor his vitals, get his temp back up, but he’s just fucking exhausted.”

Everyone nodded. Once he was fully recovered, the group would have endless questions as to how Michael was able to rebuild a school and save a life with no help. The next few days had Kyle doing regular checks, Maria swinging by to drop off more food than he could eat in a year, Max hanging out for a few hours every day, making Alex smile as he read books Michael would hate out loud. Gregory and Isobel called a few times a day, making sure Alex was alright and asking what he needed. More than once, Alex was sure he heard Isobel chatting in the background during a call with Greg, but he didn’t say anything; chose to smile to himself and wait until they came clean when they were ready.

Finally, Kyle had declared Michael healed. He was well hydrated, his vital signs were back to baseline and he was running a cool 100.8 degree temperature.

Being alone with Michael in the silence of his home was magical. His body felt gloriously heavy and his breathing began to match Michael’s steady rhythm.

He never wished Michael any harm. Ever.

But this moment, this warmth and safety and quiet, was everything he’d never dared to dream of.

*******

A tickle at his neck forced Alex’s eyes to slowly peel open. Michael was finally starting to stir, burrowing into the warm space between Alex’s neck and shoulder, soft curls kissing Alex’s cheek. On instinct, Alex pulled Michael closer and closed his eyes again. With a contended sigh, Michael slid an arm across Alex’s stomach and clutched onto his waist with a reassuring strength.

“You okay?”

Alex snorted and shook his head, eyes still steadfastly closed while he rubbed his cheek against those honey curls. “You’ve been unconscious for a week but you’re asking if I’m okay?”

Callused fingers took hold of Alex’s chin. His eyes met Michael’s; serious concern painted hazel. “Yeah. I’m asking if you’re okay.” With a shaky breath he whispered, “you died, Alex. Right in front of me.”

Alex nodded solemnly. “You remember that, huh?”

With raised eyebrows, Michael tilted his head to the side in playful disbelief.

“But you saved me,” Alex practically sang, fingers gently gliding across Michael’s stubbled cheek. “Do you even realize what you did? How incredible you are?”

Michael huffed. “Knocked myself on my ass for a week.”

“I’m serious, Michael.” Alex pulled back to look Michael in the eye. “You perfectly rebuilt a fucking building and then healed me on top of that. You’re amazing.”

With a blush creeping across his nose toward his jaw, Michael mumbled into Alex’s neck, “you mean my powers are amazing.”

Shaking his head vehemently, Alex crawled carefully onto Michael’s lap, fingers lacing through Michaels. He couldn’t help but smile at the surprise on Michael’s face. “The fact that you have powers is cool. You’re what’s amazing.”

He rested his forehead against Michael’s, eyes closed against the warmth and comfort he felt, buried beneath the blankets in his home with Michael safe in his bed, in his arms. Those strong, capable hands wrapped around Alex’s back and pulled him tight.

“Are we done playing the _will we won’t we_ game?”

Alex chuckled. “I was never playing that game. I was just waiting.”

“No,” Michael rubbed his nose against Alex’s, eyelashes kissing the apples of his cheeks. “I was waiting for you. Wanted to make sure you were over Forrest.”

Alex leaned closer, his lips grazing Michaels as he spoke.

“Forrest who?”

Michael’s smile brightened his face as he bridged the invisible distance between them. As always, the stars erupted behind Alex’s eyes and his heart thudded in his throat. Michael laughed, happiness radiating off his sun-kissed skin.

“I love you.”

Alex smiled and buried his face in Michael’s neck, taking a deep breath of rain. Of home.

“I love you, too.”

********

Alex was bone tired. He’d had one project after another that was due as soon as it was assigned and, being the pushover he was, had given half his team the week off for the holiday. A text that morning from Michael telling him to go right from work to the cabin was the only thing getting him through the day.

As he drove further into the woods, the light dusting of snow became a thick blanket. He squinted as the setting sun illuminated his path and felt the tension of the week and the stress of the upcoming holiday melt off his shoulders.

He laughed as he pulled up to the house, shaking his head at Michael’s surprising antics. Christmas had never meant much to Michael or Alex. Neither got presents or visits from Santa. There were no warm and fuzzy winter memories. Some years they had Christmas trees but no traditions they looked forward to celebrating. So, as he climbed out of his Jeep, tossing his bag over his shoulder, Alex smiled broadly at the twinkling lights hanging from the porch awning and the biggest blown up snowman he’d ever seen sitting on the lawn.

Alex was greeted with a crackling fire and the smell of garlic and tomato sauce. An empty tree stand stood in the corner with a tiny wrapped present next to it. Chuckling, Alex found Michael standing over the stove and wrapped his arms around his waist, breathing Michael in.

“What are you planning, Guerin?” Alex kissed the soft cotton that covered Michael’s shoulders. He felt Michael shrug as he stirred the sauce.

“Nothing fancy, Cap.”

He turned and kissed Alex, nothing more than a small peck to bring a tingle to Alex’s spine. “But I _was_ thinking…”

“Yes?” Alex teased.

“Well, it’s our first Christmas and you know Isobel called dibs on our Christmas Day already.”

Alex nodded seriously, the many demanding texts and strict itinerary saved on his phone.

“I dunno, I guess I thought we should do something kinda special. Just us.”

Alex wrapped his arms around Michael’s neck and felt himself get pulled in close in return. “What were you thinking?”

“Just the stereotypical stuff. Cut down a tree. Decorate it. Hot chocolate with a boozy surprise. Presents. Blah, blah, blah.”

“Perfect. But, uh,” Alex raised an eyebrow and nodded toward the tree. “I’m not gonna be able to do anything until I know what’s in that box.”

Michael’s mischievous smile brightened his face. “You’re like a little kid, you know that?”

“Absolutely. Now give me my present.”

Michael sighed dramatically and brought him the gift, sitting together on the couch, arms and legs touching wherever possible.

Alex laughed playfully as he ripped off the paper, delicately placing the small gold bow that adorned the package in Michael’s hair. Alex held the small box up to Michael who smiled innocently.

“It’s temporary. I know the base wouldn’t be cool with it but I definitely am and I think you-“

Alex cut him off with searing kiss, hands gripping Michael’s t-shirt tightly. He rested his head against Michael’s forehead and sighed. “I’ve been playing the guitar more.”

Michael nodded. “I know.”

“I maybe tried to poke an earring through my nose the other day…”

Michael’s eyes lit up. “Seriously?”

“It didn’t work,” Alex laughed. But he sobered quickly and stared at his fingers playing with a small stain on the front of Michael’s shirt. “You don’t think it’s, I don’t know, stupid?”

“What’s stupid?”

Alex shrugged, cheeks flaring red. “The guitar and the piercings. The hair dye? Like I’m trying to be sixteen again?”

Michael’s strong hands took hold of his face and their eyes met. “Whatever you want to do or not do is up to you and I’ll totally support it.” Alex nodded but Michael wasn’t done. “Just my opinion, but you were the most yourself, the most comfortable I’ve ever seen in your own skin, when you were sixteen. If you wanna slide back into the guys shoes and see what happens, I’m here for the ride.”

Alex smiled. “I love you.” Michael kissed him and said, “I love you, too.”

“Alright,” Alex stood, feeling reenergized and excited. He clapped his hands together and gave them a rub. “Shall we find ourselves a tree?”

“It’s gotta be huge, Alex. Look at the ceilings in this place.” Michael held out his hand. Alex stared for a moment, taking in the reality that this was his life. Michael was in his house, loving him. Easily. He gripped Michael’s hand tightly in his own.

“Let’s go.”


End file.
